Your Man: Shy or Uninterested

Published: 18th September 2009
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This is a tough situation to analyze straight away. It will take some time to understand his behavior. But you won't need to be a rocket scientist to figure him out, eventually, and you will only need a few dates to get your answer.

Shy men are just that - shy. Being a shy man basically means he is not ready to share much information with you about himself; or, it could mean that he is not comfortable around other people. Sometimes it takes a few dates before a shy man can get comfortable. If you feel he is shy and you are wondering if he is into you, here is what to do and what not to do:

Do not ask him for a kiss or to have sex. Think about it. He is a guy and yes, the majority of men fall short here. So it would be hard to find out whether he's into you if you pull a stunt like this. He will continue be a shy man after the kiss or sex, and then you still will have no idea as to if he's really into you.

Do make him a home cooked meal under candlelight. But first, find out what types of food he eats. He might be a vegan or vegetarian or has allergies to certain foods. You can simply ask him this in an email a few days before you decide to cook for him. This should make him comfortable. Make sure it is just the two of you. Children, relatives and friends are a distraction during romance. Also, turn off your cell phone. Play some jazz or something mellow, but soft.

Try to keep your friends out of your business and out of the picture. Shy men don't like a lot of attention from others. But to be safe, always tell someone in your family or a very close friend who you are dating - including an address and phone number of your date. When he is comfortable with you, slowly introduce him to your friends - one or two at a time. He maybe more comfortable with meeting other couples, but you should ask him. Communication with him is of major importance, especially when learning someone.

Do not surprise him with a birthday party or other surprise party. After all, you have not known him that long and you don't want to shock him. Not yet, anyway.

Try to spend quality (alone) time with him without encouraging sex.
Do take a walk on the beach - preferably during a time the moon is full or near full.

After trying one or more of the above strategies, notice how he responds to you. Look for the flowers, dinners, kisses he eventually initiates. If he does not play into your hands after all of your efforts, he is definitely not into you.

Think seriously about it. If he doesn't break by the third date, you should figure something is quite awkward.

If you follow my suggestions above, but you have to motivate him in any way to talk or to go on outings with you, it is best that you stop seeing him before you get caught up from becoming emotionally perplexed by his behavior - and thinking there must be something wrong or unattractive about you.

Don't let that happen. Detach quickly. He's not good for you.

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